Satisfied in an Unsatisfying World

This post is by my friend Brooke Lambkin, who came and shared on this topic at our women's ministry - so I asked her if she could post it here as well.

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1Timothy 6:6

How can I be satisfied in this unsatisfying world? How can I be content? 

As a Christian I should be one of the most satisfied people of my acquaintance because I believe the words of Jesus:

“He who has my commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him” (John 14:21).

I have the Lord Jesus Christ Himself and yet I continue to succumb to the lure of dissatisfaction. Why? I believe it boils down to two things: I do not trust God (as I should) and I am not thankful.

You’ll recall what happened to Eve in the garden. In the moment of her temptation, she didn’t look to the Lord nor did she consider all that He had already given to her with a thankful heart. Instead, she looked at what she didn’t have. She lusted over what wasn’t for her. She coveted.

Coveting is the opposite of contentment. Instead of giving thanks for what we do have, we lust for what we don’t have. And we say to ourselves, I know better than God. God is not giving me what He should be giving me.

Within each of us is the knowledge of eternity. And that “God-shaped hole” is not a little hole because it is meant to be filled by the Eternal God Himself! In fact, you could have the entire creation (galaxies, planets, stars, angels, people, everything!) under your foot, but if you didn’t have God, you would not be satisfied. All of that without God would never be enough!

God is good. He doesn’t make mistakes. In fact everything He does is perfect, not because He chooses to do what’s perfect, but because He’s the eternal, unchanging God. So whatever He does is what is supposed to be done.

The Bible also says that “God is love”. Put those characteristics of Him together and you have a perfect, eternal, unchanging, loving God. That is definitely a good God. And He cares for us.

 In Matthew 7:11 Jesus said, “if you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”

So the more I trust God and the more I practice thanking God for what He has given me, I believe I’ll be all the more content. Not because my problems have disappeared, my health has improved, and my bank account has grown. But rather I’ll be satisfied to have God and He’ll fill me so to the full that whatever else happens to land in my lap will be in excess of the eternal God Himself.

Practically I can start each day with a prayer of thanksgiving that God is with me because He Himself said He would never leave me or forsake me. And I can commit myself fully to the work of the Lord, because I know that my labor in the Lord is not in vain.

19th century theologian E.B. Pusey (1800-1882) wrote these steps to contentment (in updated English!):

1. Allow yourself to complain about nothing, not even the weather.
2. Never picture yourself under any circumstances in which you are not.
3. Never compare your own lot with that of another.
4. Never allow yourself to dwell on the wish that this or that were otherwise. God Almighty loves you better and more wisely than you do yourself.
5. Never dwell on tomorrow. Remember that it is God's not yours. The heaviest part of sorrow often is to look forward to it. "The Lord will provide."

Oh Lord, please make me more like Your content Son Jesus and less like my old, ungrateful, unsatisfied self. Amen.

Dealing with Stress Biblically

We are moving house this week (well supposed to be anyway!). It wouldn’t be so bad if everything was happening as it should do, but as usual with house moves, it’s not… so everything is behind which is very stressful.

There are any number of practical things you can do when you’re feeling stressed – my favourites being to take a walk, or go lie down and pray somewhere. But with three small children and a lot of things to do, that isn’t really possible at the times when I would most need it! So I had to figure out how to calm myself down in the middle of it all, without going anywhere, retreating to a quiet place, calling a friend…

I think that as a Christian it really comes down to two important things to do, which come down to one thing, and that is depending on God. When we depend on God we gives Him our worries and cares, and ours become much lighter. This may seem like obvious stuff – but I think we always need reminding!

Pray

The most powerful Person in the universe is on your side if you have believed in Jesus, and He loves you, cares for you, has a plan for your life, and wants to help you! How often we forget that! So we can ask Him for help, about everything - from the tiniest thing to the biggest thing.

God has promised that if we pray about everything, with thanksgiving, then he will give us peace that is beyond comprehension, a great de-stressor!

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6,7

But I think it is important that we pray specifically too, not just, ‘Lord please let this move go well’ (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but, “Please let us move this week, help us to get everything done that is necessary”, and so on! I have seen really specific answers to prayer when I have prayed like that and I believe God loves to hear our requests.

Trust

Yesterday I was sitting thinking about all the ‘what if’s’. Then I turned my thoughts to try and think in a God-perspective. Suddenly this verse sprang into my mind:

‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and the mountains be cast into the midst of the sea, though its waters roar and are troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling.’ Psalm 46:1

As I meditated on this verse (which I could do because I had memorised it – the best thing about memorising!), I started laughing. I was stressing about moving house, when this guy is saying we don’t even need to worry if the mountains fall into the sea!! Basically I am worrying about nothing, and that verse totally put it into perspective for me.

That is why we need to trust – trust in who God is, trust that He cares for us, trust that He is in control, trust that He will work it out. When we trust God, we can have peace no matter what is going on.

I think the key to trusting God is to talk scripture and truth to yourself, and claim God's promises. Knowing key verses really helps. Here are some truths and promises that I am reminding myself of this week:

• God is in control Rom 8:28
• He will work it out for our good even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time Rom 8:28
• He is powerful to do more than we can ask or imagine – so I need to pray and ask Him for help, and then trust that He can do it Eph 3:30
• Sometimes God allows trials as a way of helping us grow in our Christian life - so I should look on this trial as something I can use for His glory if I respond rightly James 1:2,3, 1 Peter 1:6,7
• God will not allow me to be tried beyond what I can cope with 1 Cor 10:13

Are there any particular truths or scriptures that have helped you trust God in stressful times? I would love to hear what they are if you want to share them in the comments.

Today I am linking up with one of my favourite blogs, Women Living Well. If you want to read what other people have posted and linked up there you can click below and spend all day reading!!

Talking Negatively about our Husbands

Do you talk to your friends about your husband’s problems so they can pray for you both? Do you call your mother and let out your feelings on the phone when he’s done something you don’t like? When you're socialising, do you let things slip that you’re not happy about in your marriage?

I can’t remember where I learned this, but going into our marriage I knew two things for sure. One thing was that I should never talk negatively about my husband to my parents, because it would only lead to conflict in our family relationships.

The other was that I should never talk to anyone negatively about my husband, unless there was a real problem - in which case I could go to a pastor, pastor’s wife or godly woman for counsel. I'm not talking about laughingly teasing each other about your failings in front of others (unless he doesn't appreciate that of course), but more the kind of negative talking which is complaining, resentful, or critical.

I feel so strongly about this that I don’t even like hanging around when women talk badly about their husbands, because I know that it can influence me to do the same thing.

I believe it is detrimental to my husband, because people will think less of him, and for me because I would dwell on it more. Also more than likely I would get sympathy which would only lead me to have even worse feelings about him.

Here is a great quote on this topic from a book by Nancy Wilson, called ‘The Fruit of Her Hands’:

'Christian wives, never downgrade your husband to anyone – not to friends over coffee, not to your children, not to your parents, and, of course, not to your husband. Do not share your husband’s weaknesses, problems, blunders, sins, poor decision, or failings with anyone. It is disrespect if you do.

He is not perfect, we all know that. But when you share unwisely, it does two things: it causes you to disrespect him more, and it causes the hearers to think less of him too. Sharing his problems is totally unproductive unless you are talking to someone in a position to help (i.e. your pastor).'

I would really encourage you, if you are a wife (if you aren't then you probably haven't got this far!!) to take this to heart. I believe it is so important for a healthy marriage, for the glory of God and for many more reasons, to stay away from criticising your husband in front of others.

A particularly dangerous temptation is to do this to another man who appears to be understanding, because it can start an emotional attachment which can then lead to an affair  - something that we all need to be on our guard against.

Recommended Book: Managing Yourself

When I was growing up I used to be so excited at Christmas time, but there came a point in the afternoon or evening when we’d opened all the presents and there was inevitably a sense of anti-climax. I think it was because I now knew what all the gifts were, and most of them would have been either eaten(!) or not that exciting once the first thrill was over.

The best Christmas ever was the one when I realised I could ask for books and got a whole pile of them! With books I would get a feeling of excitement and potential instead, because in that pile was a wealth of knowledge that I could learn and grow from. Even when I’d read them I could go back and refer to them.

Since I love reading Christian books I also have a lot of them, and I thought it might be good to recommend some occasionally. I always like it when people recommend books, because then you can be much more certain of it being a good read!

Managing Yourself

Managing Yourself is written by Stephen Douglass who is the president of Campus Crusade for Christ. It is described as: ‘Practical help for Christians in personal planning, time scheduling and self-control.’ This is one of my favourite books, and has really helped me redeem the time - so I am very grateful for it, and for my friend who introduced me to it!

If you are struggling with managing your time wisely as a Christian then I think this book can really help you because it walks you through how to plan your time. It also contains practical and Biblical advice on all kinds of areas of life, such as finances, finding God’s will for your life, career and family. So it is a good all round helpful book.

I think this is especially helpful for stay-at-home mums and housewives because we have to organise our own days, and there are many pitfalls and difficulties that can come from that! It is also a great book to keep on the shelf as a reference when you need it.

How it saved me!

When I got married I didn’t know what hit me! Suddenly I had to figure out how to cook, clean and keep my house as well as helping my husband in fulltime ministry (that was the easy bit!). I was really floundering, so when we went to the States on furlough I checked out as many library books on time management as I could find, and bought as many as I could justify!

Then a sweet lady on hearing of my struggles offered to meet me for coffee. So we met and she went through a chapter of this book with me, on scheduling. It really helped me and solved a lot of my problems.

I had so many things to do that weren’t as easy as just ticking off on a list, because they needed to be done every day or every week. Having a schedule transformed the way I did things and helped me get so much more done.

Ever since that time I have used variations of the schedule, and when I stick to it I always get a lot more done than when I don’t. So I am very grateful to this book! Here is a picture of my current schedule so you can see the kind of thing it leads to. Because I schedule the kids time too, I have a daily schedule with variations for different days. If it was just me I would do a weekly schedule.

A similar book

If you are a Christian homeschooling mother, you may have heard of or have read Managers of Their Homes by Steve and Teri Maxwell. That is a great book for scheduling your time when homeschooling multiple children of different ages.

If you already use that then you probably wouldn’t need Managing Yourself for the time management part since it covers a lot of the same kind of thing, though you may still find it helpful if you struggle with finances or other areas of life.

Who it might not be for

Even though this book covers a lot of different areas, the key part is on time management and scheduling, so if you’re the kind of person that is REALLY not into scheduling then this may not be for you!

If you just have a list of things to do every day and someone else managing the majority of your time for you then it may not be so needed. Having said that, I have found that even if I only have a couple of spare hours a day, if I plan that time it still becomes way more productive!

If you are interested in buying it, you can get it here at Amazon.com or here at Amazon.co.uk. I am not currently using the Amazon affiliate program since the purpose of this blog is not to make money, and I want to make sure that you know I am sincere in my recommendation!

What Is Your Motivation?

It is very possible to do good things, and to work on becoming a better person… and it all to be from selfish motives.

You could be trying to be loving and helpful and good at what you do, but your intention might be that others will love you for it, or that you will become famous because of it.

I realised recently that my goal in losing weight was largely selfish, to look good in photos! And my secondary goal was to please my husband, not that he asked me to or anything! But the Bible says:

‘Therefore whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all for the glory of God’ 1Cor 10:31

So our goal in EVERYTHING should be God’s glory – and quite honestly that really wasn’t too much behind my weight loss! It was there to some extent, in that I wanted to make sure I was a healthy BMI so that I could serve longer and better. But in my day to day decisions I was thinking more about losing weight for myself than for God.

That also affects what I do - if I diet for myself I drink diet Coke because it tastes good and is sugar free. If I diet for God I try not to drink very much of it because I'm conscious of all the unnatural stuff in there that could do all kinds of weird things to me in time and make me less effective.

Jerry Bridges says: ‘We should commit ourselves to doing everything we do, not in the way that might seem to bring us the most gain or best accomplish our personal objective, but in the way that will be most pleasing to God.’

My conclusion from all of this is that we need to think about our motives. Why are we doing what we do? Are we working hard to get fame and wealth, or to glorify God? Are we fighting to stop things like gossip, anger, and lust in our lives because they inconvenience us and make people think less of us or because we want to please God?

I'm not saying we shouldn't ever think of ourselves either - because sometimes it is glorifying God to think of ourselves, like when we need to get enough rest and refreshment to be able to serve God better. But our end motive should be God's glory.

I think as long as we are on this earth we are going to have some sinful motives intertwined with the good ones, so it’s not worth getting upset and feeling guilty about it. But I do think it is good to think these things through, because if we see a wrong motive then we can try to do something about it by thinking, ‘What would please God?’

I am trying to change my dieting motive around by stopping when I am faced with something like chocolate (I love chocolate!) and thinking, ‘Will this glorify God? Will this help me long-term to serve Him better? Will it help me function well in the short term?’ And of course if I have already decided not to eat any chocolate that day then if I give in I will be feeding the flesh and making it harder for me to exert self-control next time.

One day a long time ago, I was feeling like Martha: worried and troubled about many things. Suddenly it dawned on me that it is all really incredibly simple. I just needed to think about pleasing God. And that’s it! Everything else will then fall into place, or not be worth worrying about! I so clearly remember that moment, even the street I was walking down, because immediately my soul became so peaceful.

That’s why I titled this blog ‘Living To Please God’ - because that is what I aim to live for. I just need to remind myself of that quite often!!

A Song of Surrender: Teach Me Thy Way

'Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord' is a song that I love. I memorised it a long time ago, and sang it as I was cycling to work, to school and to university. It brought me through many troubled times, as it reminded me to surrender my life to God, and comforted me and strengthened me along the way. It is also a prayer, so you can sing and pray at the same time!

My amazingly gifted friend Brooke happens to be here this week to help us with outreach, and she has a voice and sensitivity that brings tears to my eyes. So I had the crazy idea of videoing her singing it, and she graciously agreed! Here is the video, and the beautiful words following.

Teach me Thy way, O Lord,
Teach me Thy way;
Thy gracious aid afford,
Teach me Thy way.
Help me to walk aright;
More by faith, less by sight;
Lead me with heav'nly light,
Teach me Thy way.

When doubts and fears arise,
Teach me Thy way;
When storms o'erspread the skies,
Teach me Thy way.
Shine through the cloud and rain,
Through sorrow, toil, and pain;
Make Thou my pathway plain,
Teach me Thy way.

Long as my life shall last,
Teach me Thy way;
Where'er my lot be cast,
Teach me Thy way.
Until the race is run,
Until the journey's done,
Until the crown is won,
Teach me Thy way.

This is a wonderful song to memorise (songs are pretty easy to remember!) and sing through the house, or wherever you are. It sets our focus on heaven, and reminds us of how God is with us and helps us through doubts, fears, sorrows and pain and how we can still choose to follow His way in the midst of all of it. I hope it blesses you as it has blessed me.

Also a plug for Brooke - if you love her singing as I do, you can check out her CD called 'Redeeming the Time' on iTunes.

10 Tips for Devotional Times

I know I write a lot about prayer and devotional times but I do that because I think it is SO important. I really feel it is the key to living in victory as a Christian, because if you have a good daily time with the Lord that means you are listening to, learning from, and asking help from the most powerful person in the universe!!

"The Devil is aware that one hour of close fellowship, hearty converse with God in prayer, is able to pull down what he has been contriving and building for many years.' John Flavel

It took me quite a few years to figure out how to spend time with God effectively, and even now I still have to fight to keep it like that. Here are some tips from what I have learned:

1. Do it in the morning if possible – if you do it before bed you will often be too sleepy or go to sleep, and if you do it at other times there will be too many things on your mind, interruptions and other things to do. Having said that, for some people it works fine for them at other times, like David Wilkerson who switched his two hours of evening TV time to a prayer time instead.

 The other benefit of doing it in the morning is that if for some reason you don’t manage it, you have the rest of the day to try and fit it in somewhere. What it comes down to with me, is, ‘What is the best time of my day?’ M'Cheyne said, "I ought to spend the best hours of my day in communion with God. It is my noblest and most fruitful employment, and it is not to be thrust into any corner."

2. Make it into a daily habit - then you will do it even if you don’t feel like it. The Devil is against it and you often won’t feel like it.

3. Structure everything else in your life around it, not the other way around - that’s because it is the most important thing you can do and if you have a right relationship with God, He will help with all the other things that need to be done.

4. Set a length of time – it is good to start with 10 minutes a day, and gradually make it longer when you can make time and want to do more.

5. Work out what your problems are and then pray and try to solve them – for example, using two alarms if one doesn’t get you out of bed; laying all your clothes out the night before (I always do this); praying really hard at bedtime that God would help you get up in the morning; and going to bed at a good time.

6. Make sure you’re concentrating – it is best to be alone with no distractions or noise, and awake! I used to find myself going to sleep, so I started having a cup of coffee every morning while I was doing my devotions, or having a shower before it rather than afterwards. If you're married then you may be able to do devotions together, depending on how much you can keep from being distracted by talking!

7. Apply the Bible to your life and learn from it - it’s easy to read it as a duty and not get anything from it. Instead it is good to think: What does this mean? Is there a command to obey or a promise to claim? What can I learn from this? How can I apply it to my life? I have learned the most since keeping a spiritual journal and making myself write down what I learn from the Bible each day.

8. Use the Bible to pray - that way you apply the Bible to your life, and also pray according to God’s will, which is a good thing since there is a promise that if you ask anything according to God’s will it will be done for you. George Muller said that when he started to read, meditate and pray through the Bible it transformed his prayer life.

9. Make a prayer list - this requires effort, but it’s worth it because it means it’s easier to keep your mind on what you’re praying for. Also you can persevere in the same prayers - and sometimes God doesn’t say yes to a prayer the first time, only the tenth time.

10. Have a systematic way of reading the Bible - If you’re stuck on what to read in the Bible, you could pick a book and go through it, keeping a bookmark in it. Or you could use a reading calendar like I use which gives you two to four chapters to read every day and mixes Old Testament and New Testament. Proverbs has 31 chapters so some people read it through every month, reading the chapter that corresponds with the date.

If you haven’t read anything yet, it is a good idea to start with John, and then familiarise yourself with the rest of the New Testament and Psalms before you start with the Old.

If you have other tips, please share them in the comments!

5 Posts on Dressing Modestly

"There's not a man I know who doesn't struggle in some way with lust"

(quote from a Christian man)

The issue of how we dress as women has been on my mind a lot recently as it has actually become warm enough here to discard the long sleeves and jackets!! The Bible says it is not good to do anything that would make our fellow Christians stumble (Rom 14:21), and certain ways of dressing can make it very hard for men not to have lustful thoughts.

The more I learn about what sets men's minds going, the more careful I try to be, because I do not want to be a cause of someone else sinning, or even of them having to fight the temptation to sin.

Here are some links to what people have written about it:

Modesty: A Pastor's Concern - We hardly ever hear about what dressing does to men, but here C. J. Mahaney puts it on paper, like this quote: 'Sometimes when I see a girl provocatively dressed, I’ll say to myself, "She probably doesn’t even know that 101 guys are going to devour her in their minds today. But then again, maybe she does."'

Philosophies of Beauty in Conflict - Nancy Leigh DeMoss points out the difference between the world's philosophy and the Bible's teaching. She says that some Christian women 'have adopted the philosophy of showing a little bit to tease.' But 'The Christian philosophy should be, "I want to draw attention to the life of Jesus within me. I want others to see a reflection of the beauty of Christ." '

What Not To Wear - Three questions to use when deciding how to dress: 'Is it becoming? Is it decent? and Is it moderate?' based on 1 Timothy 2:9, written by Mary Kassian.

Fashion and Following the Saviour - from Girltalk blog, some of this is taken from C.J. Mahaney's talks on this topic, but given a feminine twist. It is part of a series of 6 posts on the topic of modesty. This one covers why we wear what we wear - ever wondered why it's so hard to wear modest clothing?

Spring Fashions and Modesty - From Women Living Well blog, I can really identify with what Courtney says here: 'I’ll be honest, I have those moments where I take an outfit to the dressing room, try it on, realize it’s immodest but love it. Then the war begins in my mind. “It’s not so bad. Maybe I could just wear it on vacation where no one from church would see me?”… These are tempting thoughts that end in dishonor to God if I believe them.'

On a positive note, here is a post by Carolyn Mahaney on the spiritual attributes we should wear, taken from Elisabeth Elliot's writings.

Video

This is a video exerpt from one of C .J. Mahaney's sermons on modesty, from a  man's perspective.

Books

If you are a bookworm like me, you might like to know that some of the posts above are related to or taken from books, though I haven't read them so can't comment on what they are like!

Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of A Fallen World by C. J. Mahaney

The Look: Does God Really Care What I Wear? by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild by Mary A. Kassian

A Lamp Unto My Feet by Elisabeth Elliot